Trash talk

I started this post last week, because last Monday I launched into the day in classy Monday fashion, by backing into my trashcans on the way to Mass.

Thankfully several people saw me, because no foolish move should go un-noted. It is kind of like the old philosophical thought experiment, “if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” which in this case would translate to: “if a Mary backs into her trash cans, sending them flailing into the street, and no one sees it, did it even happen?” Well, it happened all right, and my neighbors know it.

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The trashcans survived and are working through their emotional recovery after the incident. The recycling bin, (the one on the left) obviously seems the most offended by my carelessness.

And in case you were wondering…

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…Agent Doom survived as well. Not a dent on him….that wasn’t already there before. (Agent Doom has a lot of mysterious dents. We have only had him for about 2 years, and I think its safe to assume that if cars could talk, he would have a very enthralling life story to tell.)

But you can’t let one little moment of total embarrassment in front of people you are going to see again and again ruin your day. I forged onward and tried to avoid eye contact with the neighbors for the remainder of the week.

And I’m *sure* I redeemed myself when they looked out their windows on Sunday to see Mark taking pictures of me for My Sunday Best….

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I can’t imagine how this activity wouldn’t reflect well on me… “Oh look honey, the reckless driver is outside taking pictures of herself now. What is she wearing? A man’s undershirt and a skirt? Her fashion sense seems to be on par with her driving…”

But just to be clear, I have NEVER backed into anything before. This was my first time….and only time, I hope. I like to think it was Mark’s fault for putting the trashcans there. I like to think everything is Mark’s fault in some way. (Love you, Mark!)

 

 

 

 

Unremarkable things.

(Linking up with Rosie, for My Sunday Best! Side note: It looks like Rosie is on a fun beachy vacation right now!)

As far as Sunday dress goes; don’t worry ye citizens who love a good predictable uniform, I wore the same thing again today!

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Here’s an areal photo of my coffee and the giant marshmallow I gave Eli to keep him quiet during nap time. He responds very well to marshmallows. (My skirt is not the marshmallow, Eli is holding the marshmallow in his hand.)

On Saturday, Gianna (the oldest) asked if she could bake and decorate cookies. I love her, so I said yes. BUT, if you have read this blog before, you may already know that cooking alongside children is not my favorite. I don’t know if I’m just terrible with children or missing a piece of my heart, but in the end, I’m always left wanting to hogtie them and put them to bed for the night.

So yesterday I thought, “Mary, just buck up, lay down some rules, and make the *!%$# cookies.”. After some consideration I decided my rules were going to be “no talking, no touching ANYTHING, and no crying”; now don’t tell me that doesn’t sound like the first line in a book called “A Good Time”.

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Eli was trying to pose like Ann. He is not the most detail oriented copycat.

In the end, the cookies were made and the kids had fun, but as you may have guessed, they broke all the rules and had to be hogtied and put to bed. The cookies were delicious though! We used this recipe. And the kids had such a good time watching me lose my mind that they requested baking cookies again today!

Ha!

No kids. My kitchen patience was obliterated yesterday.

In other non-related kitchen news, I recently bought the most worthless pack of bacon. It would have been perfect if I was buying bacon solely for the purpose of making soap from lard, but sadly, we actually wanted to eat it.

Warning: if you are offended by pictures of naked, fatty, uncooked bacon, then scroll past quickly.

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It think it was about 97% fat. We could have greased all the door hinges, clogged our arteries, AND made soap!

When I picked the bacon out at the store, I swear it looked fine…… though the tiny window on the package that only showed the meaty edges. That was so misleading. I demand a larger bacon viewing window!!!

Anyway, on to greener pastures. I think I have complained enough for one blog post, so I will try and leave off on a positive note.

Sometimes after the kids are all tucked into bed at night and the house is quiet, I am *deeply amused* by what I find laying around. I find these half finished “projects” that are like a little window into their minds. The window often leaves me more confused than anything else, but it’s amusing none the less. For example, the night I found some impromptu potato art. The kids were supposed to be packing their snack for school the next day, but apparently someone was struck with the undeniable compulsion to bring the potatoes to life.

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Potato art; When you are packing a bag a pretzels but just can’t seem to shake that feeling that those straws and potatoes were made for something more. (I think I spy a very graceful looking potato giraffe in the back there.)

Well, I’ll leave off on that potato note and hope it inspires someone…. it probably won’t, but you never know.

 

My Sunday Best

Top ‘O the Sunday to you! Just thought I would do a quick Sunday blog check-in. Joining Rosie with My Sunday Best.

I got a new skirt! Its white… so we all saw that one coming.

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I always think my head looks rather large, elongated, and deformed in cell phone mirror photos. This perspective may be influenced by the fact that I have a large, elongated, and deformed head? Who knows. That will just have to remain one of life’s great mysteries. (In case you are wondering, my ankles are not made of lumpy play dough. Those are finger prints on the mirror.)

Last week I took pictures of “my Sunday best”, but never blogged them (Yay! The internet was spared for a week!). But I’m going to post them now. Ha! You didn’t escape after all; gotcha!

The outfit I wore last Sunday was bold and daring. And I am happy to report that after almost 2 years since having Mary Claire I have  sort of/almost/kind of /maybe  gotten rid of my baby gut.

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If I just suck it in, say a prayer, and act casual. (Pardon the finger prints on the mirror…that were apparently there last week…)

I’m sure I’d be a lot better off if I watched what I ate on a regular basis, but its going to take a lot more than vanity to stop me from putting heavy whipping cream in my coffee every day…sometimes more than once a day….ok, ok, almost *always* more than once a day.

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Mmmmmm. Creamy. And fatty. All fat to be exact. The carton says “45 calories. 45 from fat”. Its very worth it.

I have a lot of things that I would like to blog about, like the standard “birthday’s, vacations, etc.” BUT! Most importantly, I also have a blogging commitment to fulfill.

My brother-in-law, Joel, wants to start a “Catholic Cinema Society” and have people link up and do movie reviews. He kindly and generously invited me to participate and I kindly accepted…. and then left on vacation. Twice. Never to be heard from again.

Until now!

I hope Joel forgives me for my negligence. (Although he may need to save up some of his forgiveness. That way he will have plenty of forgiveness left in his heart, when he reads my terrible movie reviews). If you have any interest in participating in this super society, you can read about it here or here or here.

And now, in addition to all my posts about outfits that are black or white, or my outfits that are white and black, you can look forward to my movie reviews! Which will probably turn out to just be a description about the experience of watching movies on a heavily fingerprinted television (why do they have to touch everything?!?!?!?), rather than an actual movie review.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and have a delightful dreaded Monday morning.

 

 

 

 

My Sunday Best.

Linking up with Rosie again! My Sunday Best!…on a Monday.

Well, I’m feeling like a broken clothing record….again. Today marks the 3rd Sunday in a row that I have worn this outfit. Let’s celebrate this accomplishment with a picture of me standing by my very striped fireplace.

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This picture makes me look like a crazy, awkward, and poorly proportioned robot. But no one cares. And if they do, I’m sure this picture will only make them feel better about themselves and their life accomplishments. So win win!!

It should be noted that I *do* own other shoes, but I wear these ones every Sunday because they are the perfect height. I’ve only rolled my ankle in them twice.

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(This picture is dedicated to my friend, Ashley, who dislikes pictures of feet. Thanks for being a great friend, Ashley. Cheers to you!)

I tried to capture a picture of my children in their Sunday best, but only 2 of the kids came when I called them. Maybe I got some of the kids names wrong? I knew I should have trained them to respond to a dog whistle.

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Their eyes were watering from the brightness of the sun, but since they were the only children who loved me enough to pose for a picture I’ll let their poor modeling slide, and leave everything in the will to them. (That will show those other kids!….whatever their names are.)

In other non-clothing related news, I took 2 bites of my cereal the other day before realizing I had grabbed a *fork* instead of a spoon. It was a very weird sensory experience, “Why is there no milk on my spoon? Why is my spoon so sharp?”. I am also alarmed at how slowly my brain processed what was going on…

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Gianna walked by when I snapped this picture and said “You’re taking that picture for your blog aren’t you. Do you really want people to know you tried to eat your cereal with a fork?”

Well, things haven’t been too exciting around here lately so I am going to leave off (abruptly) on that note, and go clean my kitchen. I probably should have cleaned the kitchen and *then* wrote a blog post, but I like to live on the edge….the edge of “hoping no one stops by to find me sitting on the couch with my computer when there is 2 meals worth of dirty dishes in the kitchen”.

Wishing all of you all the best on this Monday Fun-day! Or Monday Dooms-day, depending on your mood.

 

 

My Sunday Best

Good Sunday to all of you! I’m joining Rosie again for My Sunday Best! Rosie is trying for a “pants-free July” (meaning she’ll wear skirts, not be pantsless). In this hot humid weather, that sounds so nice and airy!

I don’t have anything too exciting to report on the Sunday clothing front. I wore the same thing that I wore that other Sunday. Surprise, surprise.

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My outfit is probably at least a year old- 100% Target. Not that anyone cares. Michael is in the background knocking water off the canvas canopy in the back yard.

We got 5-ish inches of rain here yesterday in our neck of the woods, (or plains? I guess here in Kansas most of the necks are plains). We have had a LOT of rain lately. Which only makes Mark and I a tad nervous since our new house is IN A FLOOD PLAIN! We should probably get more serious about investing in pool inflatables as furniture. Oh well, if the house floats away it will make for good blogging material.

Let’s see, what other exciting things can I tell you? We went to a later mass this morning, so there were no donuts. The kids had a lot of trouble processing that reality. “No donuts? There are no (???) donuts?”. I am confident that they will heal in time.

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Michael invited himself into the picture from the *other side* of the double sided fire place.

Mark and I left the house today (!!!) and spent the afternoon at Panera. We met up with his brother and sister-in-law for coffee. (We weren’t just loitering aimlessly, in case that is what you were thinking.  We save up all our loitering time for the candy store on free sample day.). I ended up drinking too much coffee without eating substantial food.  This always leaves me feeling the same way I assume jack hammer operators must feel at the end of a long day. I never learn my lesson.

We finished off the day by going to the park where Eli and Mary Claire found markers (???) on the ground. I thought they were pretending to draw with rocks. (And no, I have never seen skinny, cylinder shaped-rocks labeled “Crayola” but I thought these might be a first.)  Anyways, I was wrong. They were not rocks, and unfortunately I only started paying close attention to what they were doing, *after* MC Hammer had drawn on her dress.

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Whomever left those markers at the playground deserves a spanking. Mary Claire looks suspiciously guilty; lucky for her she’s too cute for spankings.

At any rate, its late. I should go to sleep. Happy almost 4th of July (or actual 4th of July if you are reading this tomorrow)! Y’all be careful now, and leave a generous amount of space between your sparkler and the person next to you.

I’m starting to loose my resolve. My Sunday Best.

Linking up with Rose again! Or is it Rosie? Do you have a preference Rose-ie?

Well, would it surprise any of you fine readers to know that I wore the same thing to mass today, that I wore last week…and the week before?! No? I didn’t think so. I am just as bored of this outfit as you are.

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We call this the tree of shame in our backyard.  Unrepentant fashionista-failures are sent here to think things over. (Full disclosure, this is obviously the first time the tree has been used.)

Though I am bored of my outfit, I am clearly not bored enough to do anything about it! Rose is probably going to add another ground rule to the link-up called “Mary, go buy another shirt.”

I’m going to try and reclaim a little bit of my dignity by pointing out that after church I did change into a pair of shorts and different shoes. Now you can sleep better knowing that I own at least 5 items of clothing…

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Why am I looking suspiciously out of the corner of my eye? I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

By the way, I suppose I should take a moment to point out the elephant in the room, also called “the golf ball sized bump on my left arm”.

I normally forget the old elephants there…until the light shines on it  *just right* (like in the picture above) illuminating it in all of its golf ball-ish grandeur. So, in the event that anyone noticed it (and if you didn’t before, you are now!), there is nothing to be concerned about. Its just a lipoma, also endearingly known as “a lump of fat cells”.

Its weird, I know. I didn’t always have it. It started growing when I had my first child and it just keeps growing a *little* more during each pregnancy because of the pregnancy hormones.  A lipoma can be surgically removed, but it is not covered by insurance…so, I’m just going to have a golf ball sized bump on my arm until we want to spring for that vanity surgery!!! Yay!

Now that I’m done talking about my sparse clothing selection and over sharing about my arm bump, I will leave you with one last Sunday detail. 12 years ago when we had our first child, (and I started incubating an elephant on my arm,) I swore I would never let any toddler of mine bring any of those unholy cheerios into church to keep them quiet. And up until this year I held strong. But desperation struck, and she goes by the name of Mary Claire, and I have crumbled under pressure. I am now one of those parents who lets their 18 month old baby eat their rambunctious feelings during mass. But! I’m not giving her cheerios…its Captain Crunch. Captain Crunch is square shaped, so it can’t roll away from me when it falls. My thoughtfulness is a little bit redeeming, right? Maybe?

Well, its getting late, and I am tired after making a meal that wasn’t waffles.

A glorious Sunday to all, and to all a goodnight!!!

 

My Sunday Best

Linking up with Rosie again!  Let’s see, where to begin this…

Well, I started off Sunday morning by going for a run before the kids woke up.  This way, I would be gone and *Mark* would have to survive Eli’s demanding morning tirade. (Is there a better way to celebrate our Lord’s day, than leaving a ticking, toddler time bomb for your spouse?) Having to choose between oatmeal and cereal every morning makes Eli distraught and angry, and it leaves me wanting to throw oatmeal and cereal all over the place. I haven’t angrily thrown oats yet…but there may come a day…

Here’s what I wore today…(after I showered.  As I have mentioned in the past, running in humidity leaves me looking like a neglected Bob Ross.)

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I know my stance makes it look like I have to go to the bathroom, but that wasn’t the case.  Also, even though it really completes the mom look, the off the shoulder baby accessory was only with me part of the time.

If you are thinking that my Sunday best looks vaguely familiar, you wouldn’t be completely crazy, because last week I wore that daring *long* black skirt and a *different* white shirt. I must have some penguin in my genetics…

And just to highlight the exciting…

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…the shirt has lace on it! Though you may not be able to tell from my expression, I am also becoming convinced that Eli needs a nap…a LONG nap…and a sedative…and an attitude adjustment…and more experienced parents.

And just so you don’t think I’m the lamest panda bear you ever met, let me tell you that I also have a thing for striped clothing. Any boring color with a white stripe (or visa versa) just screams “Buy me, Mary! I’ll add so much to your personality!”

If you don’t believe that I have let striped clothing trick me into buying them before, see my photo evidence below:

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My father-in-law is a dentist, and I don’t think he would want me holding that hanger by my teeth…but I think we can all agree that sometimes risks need to be taken for the sake of blog posts.  I didn’t buy those curtains, but now that I think of it, they would probably make a nice hat…

While trying to write this blog post, I have just been informed by my 2nd oldest child (and most responsible child,) that Gianna (the 1st born) is painting Eli’s toenails sparkly blue. ?????!!!?!?!?!?!?

Ok, crisis mostly averted.

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Gianna tried to erase the evidence with nail polish remover. Now his toenails just looks moldy.

Speaking of potential disasters though… Mark is in the process of building forts in the backyard (so we can look like squatters). So, there is a lot of wood lying around, which the *older* children have used to make cages for the *younger* children.

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We try and cultivate healthy sibling relationships around here.

Oddly enough, Eli loves being caged.

He has no idea what's going on.

He has no idea what’s going on, and I am not going to tell him otherwise. Throw some bananas in there, and this little polo-wearing cutey looks ready to start peeling them with his feet.

Mary Claire, on the other hand…

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…She knows a cage when she sees one.  Mary Claire’s screaming seems to be triggering a primitive alarm gene in Eli.  “Hmmm, this kind of seems like the time Curious George went looking for coconuts and ended up with the man with the yellow hat…”

Good Sunday to you fine chapps!!!