Liar, Liar

When my oldest child, Gianna, was a toddler, Mark and I used to sneak ice cream out of the freezer in broad daylight. We had no intention of giving any to Gianna (because ice cream is not healthy…..for toddlers). We got away with this habit for a long time. But then one day, Mark was feeling a little over confident (not unusual) and he opened the freezer to get his ice cream without properly scanning the premises for toddlers. Gianna popped out from around the corner and said “WHAT are you doing???”, Mark thought fast and grabbed a bag of frozen vegetables and said “Just having some frozen veggies! Want some?”.

And that is the story of how our children began eating frozen vegetables like they were candy…….very very weird candy.

Their all time favorite frozen vegetable is peas….

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Mary Claire is going to have some amazing diapers after the amount of frozen peas she ate last night.

Frozen corn is a close second. It just depends on which duped child you ask…

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“Of course you can have a 5th serving of frozen peas, MC! This is totally normal!”

So what is the moral of this story? Well, I feel like there are several morals here, but if I had to pick just one it would be “As long as Pinocchio isn’t around to stick his nose into things, lying can have a positive effect on the amount of soluble fiber in a persons diet”.

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Baby Gianna and the Liars (I feel like that would make a good band name) circa 2005. Also pictured here is me and my long time love affair with the Diaper Dude diaper bag. We were inseparable.

 

 

An inspirational post about a toilet…and a nut basket.

Well, it happened.  I try my best, I promise you, to keep an eye on my children, but there are those times when someone leaves the bathroom door open (cough cough, Ann) and the baby gets to fulfill his life long dream of splashing in that shiny porcelain bowl.  THE TOILET.  I would have taken a picture of the actual event, but I was too grossed out.  He was wet.  Soaked.  I don’t even want to think about it.  But he was HAPPY!!!  He even thought to use the toilet paper as a stirring aid.  It was cute…in a gross way.  He has since been bathed, so I feel we can move on from this.

You can almost see a faint touch of hair on Eli’s head…just like his father…

The only consolation, is that I keep a fairly clean toilet (Impressive, I know.  Please don’t let my gifts and talents intimidate you).  Its one of the weird things I am committed to in my old age.  I realize now what a luxury the toilet is.  I have a strong appreciation for human waste disappearing with the push of a lever.   The alternative is horrifying…I know, because I change diapers on an hourly basis.  So, when I start to whine about cleaning the bathroom I remind myself, I would much rather take 5 minutes and clean a toilet, than live in a world with wide spread adult diaper use.  So here is a reminder to thank your under-appreciated home appliances (is a toilet considered an appliance?), even in the event that your child has mistaken the potty for a water play table.

On an unrelated note:  here are my children “in a nut basket”…or providing the face for a squirrel holding a nut basket…

Gianna’s faces are superb.

One of my favorite things about living in the “mid-west” (though I think I live in the “middle” more than the mid-west), is the names that people give establishments.  Take for example, “The Nifty Nut House”.  My other favorite is “Cow Town”.   The names just scream “We did NOT over think this”.  Anyway, this was our trip to the best candy/nut store in the middle United States.

Michael is a charming squirrel with that dimple… and Gabe would not move despite my best arguments to do so.

The nifty nut house actually has a lot of relatively healthy snacks, like various nut mixes, plain nuts, dried fruit.  Unfortunately, I don’t buy any of it.  I like their jelly belly selection.

I would be wary of this squirrel.

The kids love the nifty nut house for obvious reasons.  Unfortunately, for some reason nifty nut doesn’t let you take pictures beyond this point.  I can’t figure it out.  Perhaps they don’t want their cutting edge idea to sell candy and nuts stolen and replicated somewhere else?

I would totally agree to having a pet if it were a squirrel that looked like this.

After taking pictures of the older kids in the squirrel I was excited to get a cute picture of Eli…

He was not excited.

Well, I started this post with a parental failure and ended it with squirrels.  I’d say I pretty much covered it all.  See ya on the flip side! (what does that mean anyway?)

Furious.

My children got to have their first taste of cotton candy at “The Taste of Colorado”.  Please don’t call SRS, I am sure they only have mild psychological afflictions from waiting this long to enjoy that delicacy. Whenever I let the kids pick a special treat in a public area they start chanting (led by Gianna of course) “Oh, thank you Mother!  Thank you!  Thank you Mother!” making it look like I normally deprive them of even the smallest things.  I guarantee they do NOT say such over dramatic thank you’s at any other time.  Take for example, that one time I did everything for them to take care of their necessities, let’s just refer to this incident as “everyday”. No one was saying “Oh thank you mother” then.  But I can’t really blame them; I feel more thankful when on the verge of a sugar induced coma as well.

That whole set up brings me to my point.  Cotton candy makes people furious.  Not literally furious, just facially furious.  In an honest attempt to keep the cotton candy from sticking to their lips they end up contorting their face to that of a hideous war mongrel.  Out of my many attempts to take a “cute” picture of them eating cotton candy this was all I got…

Exhibit A:

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Gianna looks furious.

Exhibit B:

Gabriel looks terrifyingly furious.

Gabriel looks terrifyingly furious.

Exhibit C:

If you know Michael, you know he tends to be a pretty happy person; this is his version of furious.

If you know Michael, you know he tends to be a pretty happy person; this is his version of furious.

Exhibit D:

I'm not sure Ann fits under the furious label. I would probably file her under "poisoned", as far as facial expressions go.

I’m not sure Ann fits under the furious label. I would probably file her under “poisoned”, as far as facial expressions go.

As far as the rest of the Taste of Colorado went;  The kids got to ride some carnival rides (my Dad and I later determined they were very over priced. I mean, its a slide people!  There are plenty of free slides at public parks).

Wheeeee! No one was at the top to help the kids get on to their "slide blanket", so I just watched helplessly at the bottom as Ann tried to get on herself. She lived.

Wheeeee! No one was at the top to help the kids get on to their “slide blanket”, so I just watched helplessly at the bottom as Ann tried to get on herself. She lived.

There was also one of those fun, foot bacteria castles…some people call them bouncy castles I think.

Gabe was leery of it at first (probably the strong smell of feet), but came to enjoy it later and cry when it was time to get off.

Gabe was leery of it at first (probably the strong smell of feet), but came to enjoy it later and cry when it was time to get off.

Gabe also rode a motorcycle.

Charming

Charming

It was a nice outing.   Cotton candy…check.  Overpriced carnival rides…check.  The only thing that could have made it even better, would have been to be able to watch a short film of each carnival ride worker, detailing their back story.  Now that would be some riveting entertainment!

We finished the day off with a ride on the free mall bus.  My children had never been on a bus before since the public transportation where we live is about as convenient as walking 5 miles in your bare feet, and then taking a tricycle from there.  So this was as good of an opportunity as any.

I don't think the kids anticipated how many armpits would be in their face, or how many people would be talking to themselves.

I don’t think the kids anticipated how many armpits would be in their face, or how many people would be talking to themselves.

On the way back home we ate at Burger King (not McDonald’s, because I want to live) and Eli played on a blanket.

Thrilling.

Thrilling.

Mark finished off the last stop of the trip by trying to bounce the children off the play equipment bridge…unsuccessfully.

It seemed like a good idea.

It seemed like a good idea.

Hope you have the best of Sunday’s!  I also hope you didn’t slip into a “boring coma” from reading this post.  I am sure you know more than you ever ever ever wanted to about The Taste of Colorado (who should pay me for advertising, by the way).